Words can be deceiving

by Melanie Alberto

Growing up, I can very much say that I am a kid full of confidence because of the environment I have been exposed to. People love to praise and boost my confidence. However, life isn’t fairytale.

I’ve experienced lots of humiliating moments and that’s when it started to go downhill. The first time was when I was a member of Girl Scout back in kindergarten. I was chosen to do the oath for kindergarten in front of a crowd. At first, I was very happy and excited because I will be seen by lots of people and take note; it is my first speech in my entire life which makes it more memorable.

Fast forward, the speech moment came and I walked up straight to the stage with my head held high trying to hide my nervousness. Luckily, everything went smooth during my speech but when I finished it, the teacher who was beside me didn’t take the microphone out of my hand. It was so awkward. People began whispering and looking at me, especially kids the same age. Really confused as to what is happening. I can’t even remember how long I stood there anxious and embarrassed because of the situation. Luckily, the situation ended when my teacher came up and rescued me.

From then on, I developed a fear of facing a crowd. Whenever I have the chance to present myself I literally become anxious and stiff resulting in making myself a mess. I also started doubting myself by trying to avoid attention as much as possible. It was definitely worse. The praises that I used to love so much became my shadow. To the point that I started to become afraid of it as I have this kind of mind set that I would not be able to live up to it.

Disappointment, bad words, negative criticism, judgments name it all. Even being called not enough by the people I cherish. All of them I have experienced. Days, Months, and Years passed but nothing changed except that it only got worse. Thus, words became a lethal weapon that crushes the confidence and self-esteem I have painstakingly built.

However, the nightmare didn’t last long. I suddenly woke up one day feeling refreshed and all. Taking the little bit ounce of confidence to be part of HUMSS Strand. It was when I decided to start my journey of building the confidence and self-esteem I have lost along the way. It was a rocky road but I am determined to gain it back. No matter how many times I stumbled along my journey in the end I was able to overcome it. Now, I am proud to say that I have the confidence and self-esteem to face the new challenges in my life. Although, it’s not like before but still, a good sign is a good thing.

Words can be deceiving. We just need to take it and turn it to however we want. For example, turning the criticism to my inspiration is the best action I have ever made. Ignoring judgments made my life peaceful and living my life for myself made me happy.  We really don’t need strangers to say what we wanted to hear. It always should start in our own mouth. Just like what I do every day, I always remind myself that I am good just the way I am. I am good enough to ignore someone’s shit. Praising yourself from time to time would be a good thing to take care of your own being. Start loving yourself before loving others. Always remember that you’re more than what they say.